Hello,
I have just recently turned Thirty this year. As I reflect on my life and what it has become, I can't help but be amazed at what it is not. All of the ideals and preconceived notions that I had about life and where I would be at this age have all but vanished. I try to be content with where I'm at, but the line between contentment and complacency grows more blurred with every passing day. I have a good job in the medical field, but is it where I want to stay? I love my wife and daughter, but why does that love not feel the same as it did ten years ago? I attend a small local church, but don't always feel happy about going. I know that growing up my family tried to teach me to be a good God fearing person, but why do I feel so torn between everyone else's ideals and my own? It seems that everyone wants to define who I should be, and what my moral standards should look like. I often feel like screaming when the pressure to be who others want me to be gets to difficult to handle. I feel like I have hit an in pass. I don't feel like an can continue to try and fit the ideals of other people without loosing my self in the process. Is that being selfish? Don't I get a say in who I want to be? I have always tried to be the responsible person, always trying to do what is right. I very rarely voice an opinion that contradicts the ones around me. It seems easier to just let them think what they want and remain silent. I'm sure that I am not the only person who feels this way. This blog may have just become my place of refuge. The place where I can shout my feelings and frustrations out into the great void that is cyber space. I'm sure that there will be more updates to follow.
~James
